Depression creeps into the life of a believer knowingly and more often than not, unknowingly. But for me, depression seems to drive its way into my heart and park its pity party right at the center of my life. I seem unable to shake the doubts of my in abilities coupled with my seemingly insignificance all the while feeling helplessly hopeless completely inept at succeeding in this life. But whenever I am struggling with these “feelings” I am drawn to the Word of God. It is here that I find rest from my doubts and emotions. It is here in the pages of scripture that I feel God is speaking to me because he actually cares about me. It is here I find that He wants what is best for my life even though it may not seem likely at this moment. He leads me through still waters rejuvenating my soul. Lately, those still waters funneled me towards the pages of 2 Timothy where I found verses 6 and 7 particularly empowering.
For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:6,7
Here I can find true rest. I know God has called me to preach His word and to serve Him with my life but when and where this happens is completely up to Him. But I have not been ordained with the spirit of uncertainty, doubt, or fear but rather with the spirit of POWER, LOVE, and SELF-CONTROL. Uncertainty of the future is a type of fear that often paralyzes my actions for Him. I am waiting to find out what it is He has for my life and yet find myself completely at His mercy once again. But then I remember His word. I shall not fear what man can do unto me and I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, plans to guide you and not to harm you(Jordan Paraphrase Version). I have the power of the Spirit of God that enables me to love others and to maintain control over myself in circumstances out of my control. It is here that God says, before you were a dying ember but now you are a fiery furnace. Your dying embers were being put out through depression stoked by fear but now your embers are glowing hot with flames fueled by the Power of God found only through His Word which allows me to live sober-minded in this world in order to love the people of this world. God fans our dying embers into a flame so bright that its light pierces the darkness that surrounds it.